ONE

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!

IT’S REALLY NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!

TRY TO REMEMBER THIS!…  No matter how heartbroken or distressed you are or how much pain you’re in now, try to remember that, amazing as it may seem, THIS TOO SHALL PASS – - eventually.

You will not always be in this much pain and sorrow.  Time does have a way of healing us – though it can be hard to believe that when we’re in the midst of feeling so hurt.

TWO

IT’S HORRIBLE TO HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN – HORRIBLE.

WE SYMPATHIZE COMPLETELY – BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN THERE!

Yes – let’s acknowledge that what you’re suffering is truly painful – difficult – hard to endure.  We can sympathize because we’ve been there – and so have most people.  As we’ve said, those of us who suffer from insomnia tend to be the sensitive ones, the ones who feel things deeply – no thick skins for us! – just lots of raw pain! (But that’s what makes us such special people!)

THREE

REMEMBER, YOU’RE NOT ALONE.  Do remember that most people have been there.  Very few of us get out of adolesence without a number of stabs to the heart – and for some of us – those “stabs” were a frequent part of our young adult years.  So, you’re not alone.  It’s part of being a feeling, interacting human being to every once in a while get your heart broken.  Doesn’t make it hurt any less, mind you – but it gives you a bit of a philosophical view – in case that helps.

FOUR

ALLOW YOURSELF TIME AND SPACE TO GRIEVE.

You need to feel your pain and sorrow for a while. Sure, go ahead and play that great music you danced to/made love to/laughed with – that brings back searing, haunting memories – that really gets to you – do all those things – for a while.  Cry your eyes out – of course! – that’s what heartbreak does to you – you cry a lot.  It’s healthy to cry – important – crying helps you get through the worst of the pain and it moves you along the path toward healing.  Heart break is, of course, very much like losing a loved one to death – and so you must go through a grieving process similar to that. Allow yourself the time and space to get through that process at your own individual pace.

FIVE

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF NOW  Treat yourself to whatever will help you to feel better: a fragrant bath, a new pair of shoes, a therapeutic massage, Chinese take-out, a Broadway musical (we’re writing this in New York City – but there are live shows and concerts pretty much everywhere these days) – whatever will cheer you up a bit and help you to feel just a touch “special” – even without your love.  Buy a beautiful book of poems, listen to gorgeous music (like Mozart – or Chopin), take a walk in a beautiful garden or a picturesque hillside.  And be sure to EAT RIGHT! – that means healthy, wholesome foods – not fatty, sugary junk food.  Ok, we’ll allow you an extra milk shake for now – one or two – but try not to binge or gain weight – or lose it (whichever is worse for you).  And do take vitamins and minerals that help to build up your resistance.  And of course, TRY to get some sleep! (Check out our other segments for additional help – see navigations bars to left…)

SIX

DO NOT FALL BACK ON ALCOHOL, DRUGS, CIGARETTES OR FOOD!  All of those are terrible things to do to your system (in excess) and we caution you to try to avoid getting back into any kind of previous habits you’ve had and managed to shake. There are better ways to cope with your loss!

SEVEN

LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE   That’s one thing you can get from even the worst experience – WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS? A great rabbi once said, you can learn something from everything, meaning there’s no experience that can’t teach you something worthwhile.

You WANT to learn because you don’t want to be in pain like this often in your life – right?  So you’ve got to learn what you can so you can help yourself avoid this kind of pain.  Was this broken relationship/love affair part of a pattern for you?  What does that tell you about yourself?  Can you pinpoint where your problem is?  Why you’re attracted to lovers/ relationships that consistently behave/ end up this way?  Or did you, perhaps, behave in a way that didn’t help the relationship grow and flourish?  There can be so many complexities to these things.  We urge you to be careful how you analyze the situation.

EIGHT

DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP.  Don’t heap scorn on yourself for either being attracted to that person or for something you think you shouldn’t have done. That won’t help anyone!  And don’t trash your former lover, either. There must have been something nice/good/appealing about him/her or you wouldn’t have fallen so hard, right?  Best to be reasonable and balanced – and to learn from experience.  If you think there’s something within you that laid the ground work for disaster, but you don’t have a handle on it, you don’t know how to resolve it, you feel this could happen again, you’re not in control of the situation, you may want to consider seeking professional help.

NINE

REMEMBER THAT IT USUALLY DOESN’T WORK TO DEPEND UPON ANOTHER PERSON FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.  As important as relationships are – and they are important – truly central to our lives – we all must find our own true selves and our own true paths in life – independent (to some extent) of our relationships.  If you have been dependent on this relationship to resolve your problems, to make your “empty” life seem full, to finally get the love you never got as a child, etc. – well, not all relationships can withstand such pressure.  Best to get your own act together – to be reasonably happy, content and fulfilled, in certain ways, on your own – and then seek out a relationship that can add to your life.  Being dependent on another for your happiness is a good set-up for heart break.

TEN

REMEMBER THERE ARE OTHER FISHES IN THE SEA – IT’S JUST A FACT OF NATURE.  Do you think Mother Nature would set up a system whereby there is only one single person in all the world who could make each one of us happy – when the world is such a gigantic place?  That wouldn’t be a very good system for world harmony – or propagation of the species!  We have often marvelled, in our life, at how the NEXT love has proven to be so much better than the one before.  And then the NEXT one after that was so much better than that last one, etc., etc. And that doesn’t seem to change – perhaps because we do learn at least something from each of these unsuccessful relationships.  So, when you’re ready, (no rush here! – you really can’t rush these things) start looking ahead – to the next possibility. 

Socialize – get out there – meet new people – make some new friends! It will feel good.  Of course it’s best not to expect to meet someone “dazzling” right away.  It truly does take time to meet someone special – but lay the ground work by getting out there and circulating – that’s usually a good thing for a human being to do, no matter what.

ELEVEN

RE-ESTABLISH, RE-AFFIRM YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR FRIENDS.  There’s nothing like good, warm, understanding, loving and lovable friends after a heartbreak. Thank God for friends!  Now is the time to seek them out, talk with them, do things with them.  Of course you must try not to talk one friend’s ear off about your situation – that can be very hard to endure.  If you need that much help, it’s time to consider seeking professional help. 

 

And do be grateful for the kindness shown to you by others who reach out to you at this time. Once you feel a bit better it would be very lovely – thoughtful – of you to send a thank you note, little gift, flowers or whatever to any friend who was especially comforting, understanding and helpful to you during the period of difficulty.

TWELVE

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY…AND – THIS TOO SHALL PASS – believe us – THIS TOO SHALL PASS…

*from http://iSleepless.com

 

I’m not about self pity. Your love did me wrong, so I’m moving on.

True love? I used to believe it existed, but when you’ve had your heart torn out and thrown on the floor, you just don’t care anymore.

I had a heart and it was true. It fled from me and went to you. Be kind to it as I have done, for you have two and I have none.

Try not to wonder about what might have been, ‘cause that was then and we have taken different roads. We can’t go back again, there’s no use giving in. And there’s no way to know, what might have been.

Someone can walk into your life and it is not until after they walk out that you realize that they were even there.

Love can tear you apart… it can kill you. But if you’re lucky, it can put you back together. – Wonder Years.

I guess I thought you’d be here forever. Another illusion I chose to create. Don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. And I found out just a little too late. – Chicago

It hurts to see you walk away. For admit it or not, you were an important part of my life and the time we shared will forever be a part of me. So even though I realize that it was never meant to be, still, it hurts.

You’re too many tears too late to ever get back in my arms.

How could an Angel break my heart? Why didn’t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart. – Toni Braxton

If you leave, don’t look back.

Someday you’ll look and we’ll be gone… but tomorrow may bring rain, so I’ll follow the sun. – U2

I’m not gonna cry. I’m waving goodbye and I know this time you got nothing on me.

If he wanted the world to be a happier place, he’d lift my tears up off of my face. And if he wanted the world to keep spinning around, he’d pick the pieces of my heart up off of the ground.

You have been the treasure in my hand. You have been the one who always stood beside me. So unaware, I foolishly believed that you would always be there. But then there will come a day, when I will turn my head and you will slip away.

You wondered how you’d make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you’re looking for, is the one thing you can’t see. – Vanessa Williams

I think I let her slip away. Kind of like when you try and hold water in your hands and you close your fingers as tight as possible, but yet the water leaks out.

Ask me how many times my heart has been broken and I will tell you to look in the sky and count the stars.

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again. – James Taylor

If you lost your love for me, you never let it show.

You said you didn’t need me in your life. I guess you were right.

Didn’t we almost have it all?

Loving is so short and forgetting so long.

Oh, I shouldn’t care or wonder where and how you are. But I can’t hide this hurt inside my broken heart. I’m fighting back emotions that I’ve never fought before, ‘cause I’m not supposed to love you anymore.

I can’t cry hard enough for you to hear me.

The tears I wish to wipe away, will run unchecked for another day. Alas, that is the price I pay. – Mike Archer

No, I can’t erase the wrong I’ve done but I hope you can give me another chance. Because if you were me, you would want the same and I’d give that chance to you.

You love to hate the one who loves the one you hate to love.

Even if my heart should call out your name in the rain. Even if these arms should want to embrace you again. And even if I’m all cried out and no longer in pain… I’ll never fall in love that way again.

Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart…

*from krystal of TristanCafe Pinoy Forums

(this is a long-ago letter in my Multiply account. I do not need to elaborate to whom I dedicated this letter to..)

To R,

The last time I saw you was sometime in the last quarter of 2007. We just smiled at each other and exchange a few words. I was then thinking of our last meeting before that, where we updated each other with plans and goals for the next months ahead. You even reminded me of our arranged gift-giving for the holidays. We were happy, then. Or, maybe I thought that we were happy. I don’t want everything to be clouded by my insecurities and regrets, but I still want to believe that we were happy.

That was our last meeting.

A few months later, I can now hold my head up high and think of you with a bittersweet smile in my face. The defuncted gift-giving no longer happened, and I no longer cared to point it out. Okay, maybe I still do. But sue me, I am so proud.

Sometimes, I would pass by a certain place and remember the fun that we had together, the conversation that passed, the songs we both shared. Those were the times that would provide me with a bittersweet smile in my face. I wouldn’t deny that I would be overwhelmed with regret and depression everytime I think of you. I was always filled with ‘what ifs’. What if I just give up my pride and maybe we could just go on with what we’ve had all along? What if we hadn’t had that second-to-the-last meeting?

No matter how many what if’s I write, of course I could never turn back what has happened. No matter how long I stare at your profile and will you to think of me, you wouldn’t. You couldn’t have. And who am I to hope anyway. For years I have known you and accepted who you are. I have learned to cling on to whatever friendship we had shared. It was friendship, right? Or am I just imagining it all along? You did enjoy being with me, right? I haven’t forced you. Maybe I did, but you know you always have the last word with everything, and I am your most willing disciple.

There were moments wherein only my willpower is the one that prevents me from saying ‘hello’ to you. I know you are just a click away. But I won’t. After all, you haven’t done anything to bridge whatever the gap that has develop between the two of us. Our relationship seemed to have been in a standstill for the last few months. Do you miss me? Do you miss laughing around, fooling around with me? Because I do. I doubt if you even think of me. But I hope that you do, I hope that somehow our friendship meant something to you.

But despite everything, I am greatful for getting to know you. Despite our continued ignorance of each other, I clung to the memories that we’ve shared. Bittersweet as you made me, I know that I still hope for you to go on with your life, to find your dreams. I hope that you find the inspiration that you have always sought, the passion that you always complained to be missing. I wish that you would get along with your environment. I still wish you this, despite the fact that you haven’t even bothered to wish anything for me.

If by chance we bump into each other again, I would still end up giving you a smile. Maybe a few words or two. I have no idea what you are going to tell me. I don’t know if you are still planning to continue what you had said to be the late-holidays celebration. Maybe you would surprise me. You’re good at that, at surprises.

If by chance we won’t ever meet again, I still want to wish my hopes and wishes for you to be granted. After all, you are a dear friend.

And I am missing you, really.

When people would ask me about my lovelife and learn that I am still the same, that is, still single since birth, they only have one comment. Don’t worry, it will come, you just have to wait. I want to scream at them, I went to say stop it. Don’t comment about my status. Don’t tell me to just wait. I would rather accept a no comment reply, or I would rather have you change the topic than giving me that pathetic answer: Don’t worry, it will come.

Because it is the same comment that I receive from people, over and over again. The same comment that I want to haul back at their face. They do not understand me, my situation. They, for me, are the Others. They are content with their own lovelives, bashing all over their boyfriends, their dates, their affairs. They must have forgotten that no-so-long-ago, when they are nothing but a single chick like me, they moan and whine about the unfairness of their own lovelives.

But the moment that they have found their own respective partners, they turn to me and say, it’s not a big problem you know. So why the rush?

Fuck.

I want to ask them, have you went an operation lately that the anesthesia they have provided you caused selective forgetfulness? Have you forgotten the endless nights you’ve spent calling me on my landline, ranting to me how pathetic you are because your beau is not giving you the attention that you crave? How you promised that one day, when the time has come that you would find a boyfriend, you’d help me find my own?

Why then, when you had already left the singlehood association, when I am relating to you my own pathetic grievances about my lovelife, would you turn to me and say, just wait, okay, it will come? Why do you berate me when I tell you about my pathetic existence, and even had the nerve to tell me that I should not dream of having a boyfriend because it will only provoke tears and pain?

Yes, I am angry. Because people tend to look at this situation in a nonchalant way. They would say that it is not really a problem. They, who are happy to snuggle in their own comfortable lovelives. They, who have someone to hook up with every Friday, or every weekend. They, who have that special someone that they need to look up to during valentine’s, christmas and even new year. They, who have someone whom they could call and rant their own personal problems with. I am not saying that having a significant other is the perfect solution. Of course, there are problems that can be encountered also. But look on the bright side. You have someone.

Think of that single person who visits the club on her own, dressed in her best dress, sitting in the bar, trying to look calm and poised, when all the while she was praying that there would be a man who would be brave enough to talk to her, or buy her next drink. Think of that single girl staying at home during weekends, curling infront of her television, watching endless episodes of her favorite series, or romance movies, crying her heart out, memorizing all those sappy love quotes and feeling like the movie is written in accordance to their situation. Think of the business-minded career woman who, because she cannot change her lovelife, decided to concentrate on climbing on the executive ladder, to show the male population that she is unaffected, that she is powerful. Think of the woman who suddenly decided to go to the gym, or to social gatherings, because she might meet her partner there. Think of the single girl who cries to bed at night, who spends the last remaining minutes of her day asking God to show her the man that was meant for her.

You don’t know don’t you. All of you in-a-relationship friends. You think that every single girl in here is happy, while in reality, we are all looking for that significant other. You don’t understand the emotions of a single girl when she would rant to you her depression, her never-ending questions as to why she is still in that status. You have no idea about that, of course. Because all of you are too wrapped up in your own personal affairs to contemplate the feeling of loneliness, of despair, or being alone. Of course, the moment that your relationship begins to crumble, the moment you are dumped and hastily returned back to singlehood, you decided that you feel their pain after all, the pain of being alone, of being single. You decide to mingle with your single friends, because they knew how it is to be alone.

So, the next time you ask a single girl about her lovelife and she replied on the negative, do not say, it will come. Just don’t comment at all. You are rubbing pain in the wound you know. Or better yet, just change the topic, if you do not want us silently wishing your relationship to break apart.