I vow to myself

..I will no longer stalk his wordpress account to see his updates (whether it regarding his lovelife nor his life)

..I will not contact him, whether in ym, nor in his cellphone, nor in his website

..I will no longer cry for him

..I will not visit all the websites connected to him (his friendster, nor multiply account)

..I will not search his name or yahoo id in friendster

..I will move on..

I have to do this now. Now that I am still on my right frame of mind. I visited the site a few minutes back, and read the article again. Okay then, sue me. Of course, I know that there would still be moments of weakness, wherein I cannot do anything except wallow in the pain. But for the mean time though, I will work on detaching myself right now, right on. Because if I do not make a will to do so, I will end up feeling everything all over again, suffering, taking all the consequences..

I realized all along, the moment that I had seen that first entry in his blog, there is going to be an eruption, that I am destined to learn something about him that I would not like. And I was correct of course. For it was never in his personlity to jot down his emotions. But lo and behold, suddenly I became aware that there was someone in his sleeve after all. Someone who existed seven months ago, who had claimed his heart at the same moment that I had exposed my feelings for him.

Perhaps my blog would still be filled with entries about college friend, but I will try my best not to cry, not to let myself sulk into another depression. I can do this, I have done it before. I can do it again. As I have always claimed, perhaps I will never love a guy as much as I did him, but I will no longer have to depend every single day of my life for him.

This is going to be a painful process. A long painful process. I have done promising myself to forget him so many times ago. I wouldn’t know if it would again become another one of those promises to myself unfulfilled. But at least let me think, even for jsut a short period of time, that I can do this this time around.

(Sigh..) I can do this.

*Re: I told myself that this is going to be an uplifting blog. But hey, I cannot lie to myself. I cannot hide the fact that I am depressed.